Labels in life can be quite helpful....they tell us when the milk has gone bad...what clothes to wash together....how much fat we are consuming in any given serving....what the content of the movie or music we are about to let our kids watch/listen...labels in and of themselves are not bad things.
But, the longer I am on this journey of unlearning, the more I am seeing this identity of Church/Christians as a label that I have placed to help me define my hurt...to help me better identify those "I can play nice with and those I can't". I am often proud of the fact that I don't label people...I am friends with believers and nonbelievers alike, I have friends that are white, black, hispanic, italian, and a mix of everything, I have friends who are homosexual and heterosexual...my life is a beautiful compilation of people...all kinds of people. But the humbling truth is that I do place labels--I have labeled Christians and Church.
The problem with labels on people--no matter what label it is: white, black, democrat, republican, catholic, christian, muslim, atheist---is that human labels are built on assumptions. These assumptions are often built on our experience, pain, or teachings from the pain of those who influence our lives...or maybe a combination of all of these. Nonetheless, the assumptions are packaged as labels and used to define entire populations of people. This is what I have done.
I know that not all Christians and not all Churches are legalistic, religious, uncompassionate, or exclusive of people. I know that Christians are humans and churches are built by humans....and because of this they are inclined to digression at times. I know this...and yet...
Perhaps this label is a guard I place around my heart...around those I love the most. Maybe this label started out of a justified angst towards religion and the religious expression of Christ's love to people and has morphed into a personal arrogance born out of pain.
I know a few things for certain:
1. I am hungry for REAL. I mean life changing, consuming, overtaking REAL....I am tired of sitting in churches with half asleep people trudging through a service to go to lunch or occupying "their" pew because it is the "right thing to do".
2. The deeper I get in this search the more I recognize that as my love grows for God my tolerance of "religion" lessens....I prefer to sit among those who are searching for Him versus those who think they found Him, I want to feed the hungry, I want to encourage the hopeless, I want my children to not just know the bible stories or how to pray....I refuse to let them get caught up in the checklist of Christianity...rather I long for them to know that they can approach God and seek his face, ask him the hard questions and know him. I want them to know nothing of the "christian mask" or legalism.
3. The further I go in this search the more and more I am brought to one thought: I have much to learn about love. Love in its essence is humility...and without humility there is no real love. I can love the person who believes differently from me, I can love the sick and the hurting, I can love those who don't really love me....but I struggle loving Christians...and this breaks my heart.
Humility. Humility tells me that a Christian, right or wrong in rhetoric and attitude, is still a person walking a process....and the label placed by me is a false notion I have constructed to protect myself.
If I remove the label--will I get hurt? No, I know this well. I have learned that I can love someone from a distance, offer them grace and forgiveness, and not expose the very depths of my soul. I can take my pain to God and Him and I can work it out.
But removing labels are much like ripping band-aids off as a child. The anticipation of the pain is the worse part....but the air that hits the wound is refreshing....
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