The Human Factor

Thank you to those of you who have responded to my posts. With each response, I am finding that I am fueled to discover the truth behind this stereotype.

Holly, you are right, I do know who I am. But I grew up knowing the prescribed system of church intimately. Even then I had a relationship with God, I knew Him...but as my dear friend 'figuregirl' reflected...I never felt good enough. This revelation has forced me to rethink this stereotype. I think I never felt good enough because the prescribed system of church is fearful of the human process and when I started engaging the human process...the system no longer fit and when what I had known so intimately no longer fit--I wasn't sure where to stand.

Let me explain, Webster's dictionary defines process as "a series of actions directed to some end, or continuous action or series of changes". (Prescribed) system is defined as "to lay down as a rule to be followed, an orderly method". I tell you this tidbit of information because this is how I see church--a prescribed system. Unfortunately, when I read the bible or engage in my life I find it to be more of a process than an orderly method.

When Christians and churches hide their struggles and present a picture of "all together" it doesn't help draw people to Christ...it excludes them. To be human is to live a process...the constantly changing continuous action of life....as a Christ follower I am living a human process with a spiritual end. That combination alone is bound to be messy.

When I search through the Bible I find that it is FILLED with human processes directed toward a spiritual end...every story of every individual is a story of a human process touched by the hand of God...is there anything messier than that?

Adam and Eve....huge process
Cain & Abel....another sad process
Noah....a process!! built the ark w/ dedication and faith beyond his human capacity ...then he ends up drunk and naked?!
Abraham and Sarah......children at 29 is a process...I can't imagine what kind of process was walked at 100!
Joseph---process: betrayal, falsely accused, forgiveness...huge human process
Moses--murder, outlaw to leader, to never seeing the promised land...HUGE process
David--adultery, murder, redemption....process
Esther---courageous woman willing to sacrifice...process
Job---lost everything to see God in the end...process
Daniel....learned to exercise faith within his actions against the grain of the popular system....huge process
Hosea...married to prostitute, learned to love like Christ...huge huge process
Peter--denial to redemption...process
Thomas...struggle with doubting to meet a God who values the process of the search!---process
Paul...God hater to follower of Christ....process
John, Mary mother of Christ, Mary Magdalene, Matthew....and the list goes on and on and on of the human process touched by a living God....

So....while I can see the fear situated in a Christian calling attention or allowing their sins or processes to be seen....God felt it was pertinent enough to include the human process of these people in the Bible.....

and this is the root of the prejudice I hold...the human process is necessary but I feel like the church prefers to circumvent the process...pretend it doesn't exist or shouldn't exist when you are a Christian. The problem I have with that is that the closer I draw to the search the more continuous changes or processes I find....and when I don't fit into the prescribed system of church because the process that comes in knowing God...I feel as if I have failed, as if I am not good enough....so then I am left with two choices...choke it up, pretend as if it doesn't exist...or muddle through the very messy process often times alone....

I am now at a place in this search where I am good with knowing I am a human individual walking a human process with a spiritual end. The God I know honors the messy, dirty, human search for Him. Part of my process is as my friend Anna commented...learning to forgive Christians. This is something I am truly thankful for, that Jesus...He had a process too. We see it in the garden before his death...and we are reminded of this in Hebrews 4: 15-16...He understands PROCESS...and while the Church as a whole may be scared of the human messiness and what it communicates to the world about faith....I believe that it is IN the human process that God is made REAL...so to those of who are searching as I am, I applaud you....here's to the search! 2 Chronicles 30:18-20.